better than just tasty "true love doesn't have happy endings, because true love never ends"

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When Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s family left Malacañang (days before P-Noy takes his oath of office), a friend asked, “So what was all the fuss about? I told you so.” Meaning, of course, that GMA would move out of Malacañang—no failure of election, no martial law, no vote-counting delay.

But we have to inquire why she left. Leaving wasn’t written in the stars. In fact what seemed written in the hands of fate was that she would indeed move heaven and earth to stay in the Palace…

We think that GMA “decamped” because in the endgame in which she was caught up, she finally found all doors closed. Except the “Exit.” Our teacher in the basics of Filipino politics told us that GMA’s instructor was, in effect, Marcos: she made every move just as he did. True, times have changed, so she couldn’t do it the same way he had done, but he was her master.

Thus, for example, she tested martial law—in Mindanao—but found the public reaction overwhelming. It could hardly be a “rebellion” if the “rebels” were her own gang. So that door was closed. She was tactically smart—fast to retreat when a game-plan didn’t work.

She tested the Supreme Court. They certainly played ball her way—but the public reaction was so extreme she had to be cautious about that one. She didn’t have to test the Legislature. It was tame and bought.

Then there was the military. For nine years she rotated the generals at the top, giving them all a time at the trough. And she cultivated the PMA Class of 1978. But in the endgame, some of her most bitter critics made the rounds of the senior military, and found them anything but uniform in their attitude toward her. If anything, they were more uniform in their intention to defend constitutionality and not to support her if she tried to stay in office past June 30.

Finally, there were the outside partners. It wasn’t just the United States; all the leading and prominent ambassadors here in Manila were pointedly and repeatedly expressing the hope that the elections be fair and open. But it was the United States that was crucial. GMA had befriended—and befuddled—the US ambassador during the past several years, Kristie Kenney, who disgraced her country by becoming, according to her own people, the “ambassador of GMA to the United States.” GMA was certain that her buddy Kristie could keep the Americans “in line.”

Then Kristie was brought home. Word crept around Washington of what was going on in Manila. More and more people were shocked to find that the US Embassy was being used for an unconstitutional purpose. Certain people—there are rumors that one of us was involved—made fairly conspicuous end-runs in Washington to ensure that the higher-ups knew the real score. A tough, new ambassador was sent, and his message couldn’t have been clearer: fair and clean elections were expected.

We, in the meantime, had spelled out what might happen if GMA tried a Marcos-move: recall of the US ambassador, suspension of aid, unwillingness to recognize the RP government, etc. Meaning, the kind of thing others would in all likelihood follow. It just wasn’t 1972, when the United States welcomed such a move.

What it came down to is that a lot of people made a lot of effort, spent a lot of time and money, making sure that all doors to an unconstitutional path were blocked. Remember that as late as her last State of the Nation Address, GMA said nothing about transition. Over and over conspicuous by its absence was any mention of her ever leaving Malacañang. Everyone knew why: she had no intention of leaving. The best analyst in the Philippines, who had known her for 45 years, said “she won’t leave unless she’s dragged kicking and screaming.” It came down to that. She had absolutely no choice but to make a virtue of necessity. All doors were closed. Except the “Exit.”

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A dose of political Light Bulb Jokes. Enjoy!

Q: How many Liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. But while he’s doing it, some 100 torch-bearing celebrities will gather around him to sing “Hindi Ka Nag-iisa.”

Q: How many Nacionalistas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. But if the light bulb fails, three others will be there to defend him

Q: How many Aquino sisters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. Three to change it and one to emotionally relate the experience on TV

Q: How many Villars does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They won’t. They’ll just replace it with a new chandelier.

Q: How many Gilbert Teodoros does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Can you find someone else? Anybody but him.

Q: How many administration candidates for president does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One is real; the other, “secret”

Q: How many Gloria Macapagal-Arroyos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One… but she’ll ask for more time (an extension) so she could screw it in well

Q: How many Gloria Macapagal-Arroyos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: At least four. The ceiling is too high.

Q: How many Joseph Estradas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: No way! Not again.

Q: How many Nicanor Perlases does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the new bulb, and another to recycle the old one

Q: How many Eddie Villanuevas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. He’ll just say, “Let there be light!”

Q: How many Jamby Madrigals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: She doesn’t know how. She doesn’t eat bulbs.

Q: How many Vetelanno Acostas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. He’s not qualified to do so.

Q: How many Loren Legardas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Which bulb? In whose room?

Q: How many Mar Roxases does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Screwing it in easily tires him.

Q: How many Jejomar Binays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it’s gonna take him 24 years (or more)

Q: How many Miriam Defensor-Santiagos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: She thinks there are three but as far as we can see, it’s only her.

Q: How many Ampatuans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and another to shoot the old bulb and bury it

Q: How many governors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. But before he could finish, the Comelec Second Division assigns someone else to do the job

Q: How many members of the Supreme Court does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them… unless there’s a dissenting opinion

Q: How many CBCP members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They find the act immoral.

Q: How many SWS or Pulse Asia researchers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, plus or minus two

Q: How many Bayan Muna members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and another to shout, “Mabuhay si Ka Satur!”

Q: How many Annabelle Ramas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: “Bakit dung? May TF ba ‘yan dung?”

And finally…

Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and another to tell the whole world about it.

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